Ryan, I’ve known you for over a decade.

Here’s a candid appraisal of the situation. You are unfit to be an academic.

You lack the most basic math and technical skills (you tried to study Congress and this was a barrier so you moved into REP). You need to hire an army of RAs to run your analyses, and editorial services to improve your writing. You routinely source ideas from low-tier journals and student papers, without attribution. When you do come up with your own ideas, the theories are so far-fetched that they would never receive support without extensive data manipulation. Think about it. People vote solely on the basis of who their neighbors are, and they have such short memory that if said neighbors move out, they forget all about it and no longer bother turning out to vote. A brief train ride during which they hear people speak Spanish radically changes Anglos’ views on immigration. How did you imagine this was going to fly?

None of the people who coauthored with you like you (except Lynn, who has very poor judgment). Most of your students did badly on the market (unless they had a powerful senior backer) because you couldn’t bring yourself to give them due credit on coauthored work. I will not even get into your personality issues. It is a good thing that a brave political scientist recently taught you a lesson on humility and the importance of treating all academic colleagues with respect.

You know what you did, and there’s no plausible deniability. Some actors with vested interests are trying hard to delay the inevitable, but it’s only a matter of time. Retract the articles/book, and resign with dignity while you still can.

Find something you are passionate about and can become competent at, and get a job where you can earn a paycheck in an honest manner. You will live a much happier life.

— Anonymous colleague of Ryan Enos

---